A couple weeks ago, I wrote a post about why I wanted to "take a break". Today, I dug up the post to finish and share. I realized that at the time, I was in a dark place. I was trying to explain why I deactivated all my social media accounts and why I felt like I needed to be alone to wait for the storm to pass. It just didn't feel right anymore. My point of focusing on health and mindfulness and soul searching was lost in the negatively tinted language, so I'm starting over.
When I first started to take steps towards getting healthy, I was motivated and I thought I understood what sacrifices I needed to make and what steps I needed to take. However, it's clear when I look back that I had more to learn. I still have more to learn - I'd be foolish to think otherwise - but I'm on the right track.
Over the last couple months, I've done a lot of soul searching. I've been working on cutting out a majority of my alcohol consumption, transitioning meds from Lexapro to Zoloft, and I've been contemplating my career path.
Changing medications is hard. Really fucking hard. I'm now fully off Lexapro and on to Zoloft. While on Lexapro, I noticed more rage and anger in myself and was more prone to intense panic attacks, with minimal real cause. After a couple dosage adjustments, we switched to Zoloft. The transition took about a month, plus another week for my body to adjust to being off Lexapro. After about a week fully off Lexapro, there's been a noticeable improvement in my mood (YAY!). It's not a miracle drug my any means - none of these meds are. If I get a couple shitty nights of sleep or decide to slurp down 5 beers in a night, i'm going to pay for it later.
I'm extremely grateful to have had loved ones around me while I was at my lowest to remind me to stick with the meds and let them do their work. There were times I wanted to flush all the pills and give up on trying to get better, loved ones, co-workers, friends, and even complete strangers all give me the strength to stay the course and help me to hold myself accountable, whether they know it or not.
While I'm still as passionate about brewing & fermentation as I have ever been, I'm not as dedicated to the idea of staying in the beer world as a career. Sure, consulting, gyspy brewing and/or other less involved connections in the beer world sound great to me still, but I don't want to put all my eggs in that sudsy basket. Working in beer has been great. It's been an amazing 10 year run, providing me experiences I'd have never imagined, and bringing me together with the love of my life, and now fiancée. But, inside I've been noticing some dissonance about the whole thing, and that feeling has been stronger as of late. There's just something about working so closely with beer while shifting towards an almost entirely sober lifestyle that I'm having a hard time with right now.
What I've know is that I want to spend less time around beer and find fulfillment in other career paths. I can take the skills I've honed in my 10 years working in beer combine those with the strengths & desires I've realized in myself and be great in a multitude of career paths.
What might that career path be? It may (or may not) be a surprise to you, but I've been revisiting a 10 year old idea of pursuing education as a career. I've been investigating Grad Schools and studying for the GRE, which I'll be taking in October. I'm seriously considering applying for a graduate communications program at UCSD, putting me on track for a Doctor of Philosophy. More on that later?